I'd like to scream right now, but it's not on my To-Do list.
And neither is writing this post.
In fact, I don't know why I'm doing this right now. I seriously have so much going on that I definitely don't have the luxury of spending any of my time blogging. But I don't want to neglect this blog, because honestly guys, it has been so therapeutic to me. These days, it feels like it's one of the very few things that is mine. What I'm saying is, my time and my energy is so consumed by my full-time job, full-time grad school, and working towards our goal of financial freedom within the next couple years (it's no joke - it's not easy, folks), that I feel like there is barely any of it - my life - left for me at the end of the day. Basically, when my head hits the pillow, I'm either relieved because I got everything done after a long day of stress and anxiety-ridden moments to do so, or I'm worried sick because of whatever I wasn't able to accomplish that day. It seems that To-Do lists and college assignments are endlessly ruling my life...and I can barely keep up! Some days, I feel like I'm treading water.
Yes, I'm complaining. Yes, that's what this stupid post is all about. This sucks, folks! Screw my teenage highschooler self who complained about stupid things! SHUT UP! YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAD IT! Sorry, am I talking to myself again? Must be the constant state of delirium I'm in these days due to a lack of sleep and staring at a computer screen for excessive amounts of time in a sedentary position. Because, "Do what you love and it'll never feel like work!", right? LOL.
Don't get me wrong - I like my job. I like grad school. Yay paychecks and learning stuff, so great! But you know what I also like? My sanity. Eight hours of sleep. And stress-free walks on a beach far away. I'm not sure how to put it, but I guess my life doesn't feel like it fully belongs to me just yet. (I think people who are in the same boat as I am would understand what I mean.) Yet, there are those very few, small moments that it feels like it does...even though I still find myself sometimes worrying about things on my To-Do list. For now, though, bike rides and the occasional blog post will do. One day I'll have time for all of the creative projects I have on hold that I'm so eager to dive into, but I just have to keep on pushin' for one more year or so. I just have to keep telling myself things will eventually slow down, so for now I'm going to make the most of my last couple of semesters as a full-time working college student. I'll be a graduate/alumni again before too long, and as much as I grumble these days dragging my ass to class, I know ending this chapter is going to be bittersweet.
Self-care is so important, and as a budding therapist it's only logical I actually practice what I preach. So here I am, writing this seemingly pointless and nonproductive post, not caring for just five damn minutes about my case presentation due Thursday (yikes). Because when I blog, I'm taking back a part of my sanity. Fo' realll. I already feel better and ready to take on this hectic Tuesday!
If you're (whoever reading this) in the same boat as I am, I hope you treat yourself well today. Never be too busy for that. You deserve some TLC!
Thanks for reading my ramblings!
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