A lot has been on my mind lately. My friend posted a quote on Facebook that caught my attention yesterday; It read, "The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering. Idiots are always dead sure about every damn thing they are doing in their life." While I don't agree that being sure makes you an idiot, I don't think that not being sure does either.
I'm a wonderer. As a matter of fact, I wonder all the time. Confession: sometimes, I don't know if I am where I'll always want to be. In fact, some nights I find myself lying awake and feeling restless because I wonder what it would be like to be somewhere else.
It's not that I'm unhappy, no, and it has nothing to do with my marriage. It has to do with place.
On days when I sit in my car, in traffic on the interstate for an hour, and the only view in front of me is a giant billboard or the occasional random palm tree poking though cement, I wonder.
I daydream. And sometimes, I dwell.
Before I know it, I'm standing on a hill in Polperro overlooking the Cornish coast, and a breeze sweeps through my hair. I've almost lost myself completely. My imagination has no bounds.
I snap back to reality before I miss my exit. I sigh and wonder how many more commutes I'll make before I fly away someday. I weigh my options. I think of a new plan to propose to my husband, and this time I'm confident it'll work out. I always am.
Yet I still remain here, in my car, during rush hour. And although traffic's let up a little, I'm still in my car when I'd rather be on a bike, riding down a hill in the countryside or a forest trail. I'm still in my car when I'd rather be walking on a cobblestone street, wandering, moving, exploring, living. But traffic slows again and my feet remain sedentary. Only for the occasional, slight pressing of the gas pedal are they called into minimal action.
So I ask myself again: Why am I still here? I know there are logical reasons. I have a full-time job that doubles as my practicum and internship, which I need to complete for grad school, which I am graduating from in a year. My husband has a good, stable job. We're happy. We're glad to be here. We'll be moving to our new home in the spring, and are already in love with our new little town on the bay. Things will be even better then than they are now.
I can't help but think about how life would be somewhere else, though. Where will we be in 5 years? Or 3? or 10? Will we live in a house on a hill? Will we live in the suburbs or a city? Will we live somewhere where the leaves change color or somewhere where the sun shines all year round? Where will our children go to school? Which place on earth - this beautiful, magnificent, earth - will they call home? And, I wonder everyday - will we ever be anywhere that we'll never want to leave?
Maybe I'm too curious for my own good. Maybe we're restless. But this isn't an itch that just won't go away - this is an affliction I've had for years. Maybe it's because I grew up a nomad, not used to staying or settling down, and maybe that's a curse...
...but either way, I'm determined to find out.
Do you ever wonder if you're in the place you're meant to be? Do you ever wonder what your life might be like somewhere else? Sound off in the comments below! I'd like to know if I'm not the only one who sometimes feels this way. ♥
VIEW RECENT POSTS